How to Travel While Autistic

Are you wondering how to travel with friends while being autistic and wanting to have a nice time? We've got you covered on this week's episode! Summer is here and there are a lot of tips we've learned over the years to plan a vacation with friends. Tune in to snag some tips - and leave your own in the comments!

Show notes: 

• The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/319055/the-art-of-gathering-by-priya-parker/

To ask us questions, fill out the form at www.neurokink.org/auys

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Sabrina at www.radicalingingishtsconsulting.com or @radicalinsightsconsulting on social media (FB, IG)

Kade at www.cryptidlearns.com or @cryptidlearns on social media (FB, IG)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

This is the Aces Up Your Sleeve podcast, and we're the Aces Up Your Sleeve in relationships from romantic to workplace, parental to platonic, your relationship with yourself and everything in between. Let us, two autistic ace back kinky therapists, be your secret weapon in neurodivergent life.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

This is your disclaimer. This is not therapy or therapeutic advice, and we are not on the clock. This is for entertainment purposes only. This is not a replacement for therapy. What you'll hear are our thoughts on different topics, what we might do in the situation, and how we've supported others through similar things.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

So we thought we might gather up some of our summer-centered questions, our vacation and trip-centered questions, give some answers. Um, most of these today are gonna deal with going on vacation or planning trips with friends.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Yeah, because that can be, I think, really challenging and overwhelming. And also, I think a lot of like our c our like US culture is very like have trips with friends. That's the key to good summer. It's like, okay, shit. Gotta gotta get that sorted then.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Right. All the like summer vacation and spring vacation movies. They've always got trips with friends, or you go on a trip with your family to sneak off and hang out with your friends that are also somehow on that trip. Cool. Well, our first one here, uh, it's summer soon, and I want to go on trips with friends, but I've only ever gone with family places, and I usually get my own space. I cannot imagine cramming four or five friends in a hotel room with me, but we're not rich, so we can't get our own rooms.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Yes, it is definitely one of those, like we're a little bit too young and broke to do like a big fancy thing, but also it is a lot of sacrifice of your own personal space and all of that.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Yeah, tough to cater to your sensory needs or social needs in a one-room or you know, maybe if you're lucky, two-room situation with four or five other people. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

I was just gonna say, as much as I actually don't really love Airbnb like as a concept, it does give you a little bit more space. Like, even if you only get like a one-room Airbnb, you at least have like a room and a living room, and maybe someone can throw some blankets in the kitchen. Like, you know what I mean? It's a house usually or a flat of some kind or whatever, with just a little bit more ability to not be all on top of each other.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Smart, yeah. I've never gone on a trip with friends to an Airbnb, I don't think. I tried to one year when we went to Seattle Pride, and then last minute the Airbnb canceled on us.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

So So I've been seeing that more. It happened to someone like around here because they were coming for like a graduation. There's a whole bunch of colleges near me, and they were coming for like someone's graduation, and I guess Airbnb canceled on them like literally, like they were on the front steps and they got canceled out.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

That's wild. And that they can get away with that. There's no way to oh, that's tough. So I think first advice that we're gonna give is find a place that's rentable with more than one room if you can, but maybe not Airbnb, maybe one of the other websites that does that.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

And I just like being mindful of the like busy season, because I think like that was the thing. It's when they think they can get more money than like when you book far in advance, it's cheaper. But then once it gets closer, it gets more expensive, and they want obviously more money.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

As I was rereading it, I realized there's no question, but I'm assuming the question is how do I make it happen? What do I do with four or five friends?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that is a good point. I didn't even process that. Yeah, so I definitely think if you can doing something like that, maybe seeing can you lower your expectations a lot and get like a shitty motel and then get like two or three rooms for five people, you know, just because the room only has two beds, can someone sleep on the couch? Can someone like bring a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor? Because like I'm not someone who's gonna sleep in the bed with a friend. That's not really my personal vibe. And so for me, like I always need like I need a sleeping space that is my own. And so figuring that out has usually been like one of the harder parts of summer trips for me.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Yeah, I would definitely say think about that before you purchase the place and put your reservation in. One of the times that I went on a friend trip, we made sure that it was at an extended stay hotel because they had a little more space, and so they had like a fold-out couch in the main space and then a little like bedroom. There wasn't a real door, it was like one of those little sliders that's like plywood or whatever, but it gave us enough space so that two or three people could be in that room and two people could be on the fold-out bed. And if we needed, like people could have brought sleeping bags and made it work elsewhere, and it just gave us a little more breathing room. Um, we also varied where we were going and what we were doing. So if you know three people want to go to the bar and the other two want to stay back at the hotel, it gives people a little bit of space from each other, especially if this is a multi-day trip, and you can kind of change up what your agenda is so that not everyone is out or in at the same exact time.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yep, exactly. I also think like it might be time to ask for some support. Hey family, can you chip anything in so that I can get my own space? Can I grab some extra babysitting gigs? What other options do I have to help do some funding? Or maybe it's just time to start with like day trips. You know, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty privileged in that like I live a day trip away from the mountains or the beach.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Yeah. I love the idea of kind of testing it out with the friend group too. Take the people you would want to go on a longer trip with and see how it goes just spending nine to twelve hours together in one day.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Mm-hmm. Yep, because it's gonna be a lot more than that if you stay overnight.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Absolutely. And you kind of get to know some things about those folks that you wouldn't see within just a few hours of hanging out. So I think that can be helpful. Uh definitely looking at location and and seeing, you know, if you're going somewhere where part of the draw is the hotel for whatever reason, like a pool or a spa or something in it that you all want to do, um, what are the fancy ones with the little water parks in them or whatever? Yeah. If it's something like that, you might want to also be looking at what's nearby that if you get overstimulated and need to take a step away, is there a a park that you could go hang out at or a library with some quiet time, you know?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Mm-hmm. Definitely. I also think like maybe it's sleep in your car in the parking lot.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Like car camping is a thing. Camping in general might also just be an interesting way to do that. Like you still usually have to pay a fee because you know, we had to stop having free public areas so that we could get all the black people out of them. Super fun. Thanks, colonization. But you know, that that's actually like if people are up for it, especially while you're young and still have the body to be able to do that possibly. When I say the body, I mean like the literal physical strength. I am an old woman and certainly could not camp the way I did when I was 23. But I do think that it can be fun to like pack all your shit up in the car, drive out, and all you need is the tents, and everyone can have their own. They're, you know, not extremely expensive. Oftentimes in like different camping groups and stuff online, people will sell theirs for their old stuff for cheaper or things like that. And so you can get some some nice space while still like going out and doing the thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Absolutely. You could also do some research in some of those groups to see, you know, where where are the camping spots that are near a public restroom, where are the camping spots that are away from a lot of road noise, whatever whatever things you would need. And maybe talking to your friends pretty openly too about, hey, we all want to go do this thing where we're together for X amount of time. What does everybody need to feel comfortable? You know, there's certain amenities we need nearby or right there. I think the pre-planning can save a lot of of issues, even if things go a little awry while you're actually out on the trip.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

And then I also just think like I can't imagine cramming four or five friends in a hotel room. Okay, stretch your imagination. Try, see what happens. Stay close enough to home that everyone can go home if it becomes like a true actual shit show. But like make a decision, we're gonna book a hotel in the like kind of annoying part of town to be in, maybe, right? Like for me, that's the city. I don't like being in the city. We'll book a hotel in the city and maybe we'll take in a show or we'll do something. But then, like, our goal is can we actually exist within a hotel room all together for a night and like run a test run? And but what's nice is do that where you all have your own cars or at least two cars that like there's enough ways that people can go home if they want to, if they find that, like, yeah, this actually isn't for me. Because I think that that is another thing that I struggle with, and I I get it, but like there's a lot of things that I couldn't imagine doing that I do just fine now.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

You could also just invite them over to your room, have a sleepover with all of them, and say, no one leaves this room until we figure out if we can go to a hotel together.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Bring all your snacks, we're locking ourselves in.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Yes, and just see is it comfortable when you have access to all of your comfort items, or is it hard then? Because then maybe maybe you might decide for yourself that we invite two friends instead of four or five, or that it's really just you and one other friend, which does increase the price because you have less people to split it with, but it might also increase your enjoyment of the event to make it worth that extra price if you can swing it.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

And if you can swing that, you could still invite four friends and just we're gonna pair off into two each of rooms. And yes, like Kate said, like that is more expensive. And hey, only come if if you can make if you can swing it, if you can make that shake.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Or uh figuring out, okay, we can't do it this year because it's too expensive, but we can start saving up so we can do it later this year or next year or whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Mm-hmm. Definitely. Like that's one of the things, like whenever we want to go to like the rent fair or whatever, um, it's like three-ish hours away, but like I'm not driving three hours really early in the morning to get there and park reasonably just to walk around all day and then get back in the car and drive three hours. No, you actually can't make me. Um, and so like that's usually an overnight stay for us. And so usually that means like, okay, like let's start figuring out like where do we want to stay? How much do we want to pay? Like, what is gonna be the cost of this trip? Also, knowing that we're gonna be at the Renfair and want to spend money there, like we want to buy stuff that we can't usually buy.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Yeah. One tip that I got from my partner is to ask your friends who has discounts or who has like points or whatever, because he's gotten to go a few places that he otherwise wouldn't have been able to go because somebody had points that were expiring and they're like, sure, I'll just use them for you.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yep. Same thing. Um, my partner works at a job where like they don't get paid well. And because of that, there's like some weird like employee reward stuff. When we went to Scotland, they got our we like ended up needing to move hotels part of the way or like accommodations part of the way through because I fudged the flight. But they got our like secondary hotel and their job offers it where like it pays for it and then small amounts are taken out of their paycheck each month until it's paid off. We use that sometimes when we want to do something, but like they don't have the the money to contribute in towards it because of how their job works. There's a lot of these little workarounds that just paying attention to like what are our options. Are there student discounts? If if any of you are students, are there group discounts? You know, if you have five or more people, some places will give you a discount on bringing that many, or sometimes the events that you want to go to will give you the discount, and that offsets the price of the hotel in that place. Like there's these kind of things to be looking into.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Yeah, and then of course, on the other side of things, uh keeping in mind your own accommodations and making sure you've got those with you for the actual trip. So if you need headphones, earplugs, jewelry, fidget stuff, coloring things, w whip stuffed animal, whatever it is that you need, make sure you bring them because you want to like reduce some of that anxiety with you know not having them.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah. It doesn't sound as fun, but it can be if you like put the effort in. Um a staycation. Again, like maybe we're all gonna sleep over at someone's house, but like maybe we have guest rooms, maybe we have like space for that. And we're gonna very intentionally like go and do activities out of the house and around town that we don't usually go to and see. Even like the place you live has cool stuff, usually. Probably not far, right? Or again, like not far from there two hours, whatever, again, a day trip, but you come back and intentionally all stay together at someone's house so that it still feels like something important is happening.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

And some of that money that would have been spent on lodging can then be spent on maybe going to a more expensive restaurant or a museum or gallery or whatever the thing is that exists in your area that you don't normally get to do.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yep. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

Cool. Uh the next one. What's the secret to having a friend trip? Every time I log into Instagram, people are going to Coachella or the beach or New York or wherever, and I'm home alone wondering how TF they all make this happen. Everyone has jobs and lives, but I want a friend trip, damn it. How do I plan one that doesn't fall through?

SPEAKER_00 14:00

The secret to having a friend trip. If you find out, tell me.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Yeah, I think it is a lot of pre-planning. I mean, that the ones that I've had that have been successful usually require one person to say, I'm gonna be the designated planner, I'm gonna check in with you all about some of the details, and I'm gonna be the one to like hit the purchase button and ask you all to chip in whatever it ends up being. Because if everyone is unsure of who's doing that or trying to do it themselves, it can get really it can turn into a mess really fast.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Yeah. So I just read the book The Art of Gathering. Oh, which is good. I liked it a lot. Um, but it actually kind of talks about this specifically, like how to make a gathering work well, whether it's a birthday party or a staff meeting or uh a wedding, a funeral, like whatever it is, what are the components of like doing that well? And I think a part of it is like what Kate is saying, like the pre-planning, but it's also about like, hey, I want us all to do this. Let's all pull our calendars out right now and find a time. And there's like an immediacy component, and then there's also like this like, how do I make a plan that doesn't fall through? I think part of that goes into setting that stage really well. Hey, here's the outfit I'm thinking about, like continuing the excitement, especially if it's gonna need to be really pre-planned out long because maybe it's expensive, maybe people really need a lot of time before they can get off of work, whatever. You know, uh if I'm planning an international trip, that is a I am planning for multiple months, maybe a year or two, right? Of like, okay, but keeping the hype going, I think is can be really important. So, like one of the things she talks about in the book is like the event starts when people get the invite. So if you're gonna take the the like leadership role in this, I actually think that that can be even more helpful than trying to make it too much of a group decision and going to your friends saying, I'm inviting you to Costa Rica next summer, right? So we're a year out next summer. I want us to go to Costa Rica, here are the other people coming, like, and actually make it an event, right? And say, like, you know, here's da da da, here's what I'm planning, here are the thoughts, like here are the dates. There is a little bit of flexibility in this, but not a lot, or there is no flexibility in this. If you can't go, let me know so I can have someone else fill your spot, whatever. And like have it be an RSVP situation, have it be a like, I need to know that you're coming because we're planning certain things around who is able to make it and who is not. I'm intentional about who I'm inviting. I'm not gonna invite the flakiest people in my life, even if I love them, right? Like right now, one of the flakiest people in my life is a brand new mother. Of course, she's flaky, she has a newborn. I want her to be flaky. Like, she's a newborn and a three-year-old. Oh my god. Please be flaky, right? And within that, I'm not necessarily going to be like, hey, a year from now, come to Costa Rica with me.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Yeah. Like Yeah, that might need some more lead time of okay, maybe when the kids are X age or we've got like a certain babysitter we really trust that could do like nannying for that time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Or when I can bring the kids or like whatever, right? And so I think that thinking of it as an actual gathering that you're planning, an event that you're planning, means that at least for me, like I shift into another gear of planning it versus like, yeah, I guess if everyone wants to come, that I think kind of feeling makes people feel like, oh yeah, I mean, I could or I couldn't, like, oh, I might schedule something over that if something better comes up or whatever. In the book, she talks about how much we all want to be like quote unquote chill right now. And like this feeling of like, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to get in the way, I don't want to like do too much, or like we are at very low risk of doing those things. Right. We actually have swung way too far in the other direction on the pendulum, and that is why other people don't commit to the events that we throw, because we're not really committed to them.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

We had a mutual friend just a few months ago saying something like, Oh, yeah, I guess my friend and I agreed to go like international travel somewhere like a year ago, and now it's about to happen, and I don't know how to tell her that like I can't afford it right now. I don't, you know, it's just not for me. If that person had taken your advice and built the excitement and had firmed up, like reserve this week for us to go do that or whatever, maybe that would look different. Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Or let that let our mutual that we know be like, hey, earlier. Hey, I can't do this. Hey, thanks for reminding me that actually isn't gonna work for me earlier.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Absolutely. Yeah, I feel like if that person had known that that was still the plan, even though no one ever said it wasn't gonna be the plan, but had been reminded that that's the plan and in fact it's coming up in a couple months, then that friend could have said, Whoa, hang on, actually, life has taken you know some curveballs, I'm not gonna be able to do that. So if you're the one planning it, make sure you're reminding people, make sure that it feels intentional. I like what Sabrina says too about if you're gonna be intentional in gathering the group, it also gives you a chance to ask everyone what they value in a vacation because I find that it's very different. You know, when I plan uh pre-COVID, when I would plan like Disney trips, it was what rides do you all really want to go on because those lines are horrendous. And if we really want to hit all the rides, I need to know so I can plan it out based on whatever hours they're popular and things like that. Are there any shows you want to see while we're there? Because they only do them a certain time of day and we're only there for X amount of days. It can really give you the opportunity to make sure that the vacation is what everyone wants it to be without it feeling like you plan a whole thing and then it they go and they go, Well, we didn't do anything I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

Right. Or even like, are you inviting the group of friends who wants a very like here is an itinerary and there is a set of expectations and there is like pre-planned things and we have reservations? Or do you want to invite the group of friends who's like, I kind of want to just be able to like hang around by the pool and chill out and chat and talk and like I'm just kind of here for like food and vibes? And I don't really want reservations for food. Like I just want to like come up with something. Are you gonna go with the friends who are like, I want to eat McDonald's no matter where I'm at? That's all I want to eat. Are you gonna go with the friends who want to try only foods from that place? And it's not that you couldn't have a mix of these people, but knowing that, like, yeah, Sabrina is gonna sit at the hotel if we do three things back to back, she's gonna sit at the hotel for part of that because her back hurts and it's too much walking, unless we intentionally plan something that's not a lot of walking, right? That like I want to be in the pool, in the hot tub, in the body of water at least some of the time.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Especially if we use your Costa Rica example, yeah. That one. Yeah, that would be harder for me to do a regimended, here's what we're gonna do, because you're just there to kind of enjoy it. It's not an event, it's not a limited time for certain things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Right. And while I like cultural experiences and like, oh yeah, like this is a cool museum, this is awesome. There are also gonna be times when I would sit in the pub and talk with some friends. But it's about figuring out like what is actually going to be enjoyable to different groups of people and then like trying to make sure that you can accommodate at least the things that they like to do, even if they're different things. I think that those are all really important. And then also, like, yeah, making sure that you're inviting people who are going to communicate with you and that you're following up. Right now, some of my friends and I are planning a little pool party here near me, which is actually how I met some of them. It was the pool party that we went to before the Scotland summit. So now we're doing it before the main summit. And uh, like, hey, do we want to all stay at this one friend's house or do we want to get a B and B? How many rooms does a B and B need? Are people bringing partners? Like, these are all parts of the conversation that's happening in the group chat. And like we'll drop it for a little bit and then we'll come back to it because like it's not until like late June or July. Okay. Right. It's it we have a little bit of time. And as we get closer, we'll get more and more like, ooh, this, ooh, that, ooh, yeah, let's do this. Um, and like firm it up. That is how that particular group of friends likes to plan. I have other friends who are like, I'm not making any plans until the very last second. Those people stress me out. I'm not going on vacations with them. If we happen to end up at the same place, that's cool. But I'm not intentionally gonna when you don't even have a a plane ticket booked.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

And sadly that's usually where I see the most uh plans that are following your falling through. Yeah, because if you've got someone who's struggling to do those things, it it's tough to end up actually at the location with them in the way that you had tried to plan with them.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Yep. Exactly. I wanna back us up a little bit to like every time I log into Instagram, people are going on going to Coachello or the beach or New York, and I'm home alone. One, I think it's important to recognize like how often is that one person doing all those things versus how much is it like you've got 18 friends and four of them are on vacation.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Yeah, kind of rotating through instead of always and if it is always the same person, I mean, maybe they can afford it, but also if these people are in America, a lot of us are in a lot of debt, and that's how life styles like that are upheld.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Yep. And that like it might be worthwhile to snooze them for a little bit in the summer if if it gets really, really to you, and it's like because that's the other part, is like you say that you really want a trip, which is great, right? And there are other people who I think will see that and be like, Do I want a trip? And they're like, not really. I am okay with camping. I prefer clamping. When I see people going on camping trips, I'm like, oh my god, I would love to go camping. That looks so cool. I don't want to be camping. Right. I don't like bugs. I really don't like bugs. Um, I get too hot very quickly. I don't really want to be in a tent. I want to be with all my soft things. I want to watch TV. Like it's not for me, but every time I see it, my brain goes, That's for me. I want it. Same with New York. Like, I liked my little trip to New York. I'm glad it was short. Big city is not my vibes. I'm a beach girly, I'm a small town girly. That's not Coachella is also not me, but I love all the outfits. Ooh, it'd be fun. Oh, and then seeing that brand. Like, and so we can convince ourselves that we want things that we don't actually want. So that's another part is like really checking in with like, okay, if I want to do a friendship, what do I want it to actually look like? Because basing it off of what other people are doing on Instagram is a recipe for disaster and will leave you with lots of like frustration and trying to get a thing done that you're not even actually super interested in doing.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

And spending a lot of money trying to chase that feeling that you're hoping is there when really maybe there would be another vacation or event that you could do that wouldn't cost as much or wouldn't be as labor intensive to figure out with your friends that would be more enjoyable.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Yeah. And I also think that like remembering that people post the specific interesting things that they're doing and not usually their everyday.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

So like I I looked at it the other day um on my like personal Instagram where like all my friends are. I literally only post when I'm like actively going somewhere doing something. Like so when the only time I I make the effort.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

I bet if somebody scrolled through your personal Instagram, they would probably be like, oh my gosh, Sabrina is just always with friends and always meeting cool new animals. Like, look at Sabrina with this one and that one. Like, yeah, you do those things, but the frequency at which people would think you do it is not actually high.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Yeah, especially if you're not looking at the dates, right? Where it's like I post maybe like four or five times a year, and it's the four or five times a year that I'm like doing.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Do something really fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Or like with my nephews or like whatever, right? Remembering that as well, that like Instagram, especially because Instagram is focused on photos and videos, is really truly just the highlights. And so if you look at your own just the highlights, you probably are not looking at yourself home alone.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

True. We don't usually just post the photos from our couch unless we have a cute animal doing something cute. Yeah. Well, uh, the other thing about this, the how do I plan one that doesn't fall through, I would also encourage you to think about what you truly would want to go do for vacation. So even if it is some of the things that people are posting, what would you really want to go do? And if everybody canceled last minute, would you still be able to afford it and would you still have a good time? Also or would you be able to cancel it?

SPEAKER_00 26:08

I'll be so honest. I'll be so fucking for real. If you last minute cancel on me, especially in a way that I can't get like a refund or something, you're still paying for your part. Like I'm gonna go and you're still paying. I'm not taking on the full responsibility of paying for this thing that you committed to and then dropped out of in such a way that we cannot get our money back.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Especially if I was giving you a heads up. You know, like in the example of the person that we know, if that person's friend paid for everything upfront to travel internationally before saying, hey, that's coming up, can I buy the tickets? Right. That's a little bit on.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

Especially if it's like, because that's the other part, is like we need to collaboratively come up with like, hey, this is the price of the BMB I'm looking at. So everyone's part would be XYZ.

unknown 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Does that work or do we want something more like more expensive, less expensive? How is this kind of like the first question, right? Like, okay, this one has enough rooms for each of us to have our own. Do we want to double up room so that we can get a cheaper BMB? Right. Like all of that is part of it as well.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

And I will say, too, in response kind of to the first question and this next one, letting people know the price ahead of time, even if it's just an estimated, hey, I think at the most it's gonna be probably this. Is that doable? If it ends up being a little more, will that still be okay? How about if it's less? When you do that, it gives a chance for people to be really honest and say, hey, that's not gonna work. And in my experience, the few times that I've had a friend who was like, I don't think I can swing that because I need to be able to cover my own food and beverages and whatever else, the entry to the event. Uh, a lot of us have been like, you know what, actually, we can cover your portion of the hotel or Airbnb type situation. Um, if you can cover your own food transport, like all the rest, you know, the extra hundred or two hundred dollars, we can absorb that and it ends up being still within our budget so that the person can still come. So if you have friends where you're discussing it ahead of time, you might be able to actually attend more things or attend in a different way than you might otherwise be.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Yeah. So it's about like being open and honest up front. I think it is, and I think like the hard part is that I I really do think very few people want to take the reins of like being responsible for the get together. But when no one does, it does just fall apart. Like there just is not a way for it not to. It's the same way as like the bystander effect that we all learn about in psychology class is like if nobody calls 911 and everyone thinks that it's someone else's job to 911 does not get called. Unless if you go, hey, you right there, call 911 right now, and they go, I don't have a phone. Fine, you over there, call them now. That is actually how you get 911 to like show up and like be useful.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Well, useful, maybe, but hopefully, uh hopefully help the person who's in trouble. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

Hopefully, right? But like it doesn't work to just everyone assumes that it's gonna happen, someone else is gonna take it over, and then no one does. If you're the one who wants the friend trip, make the friend trip.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

All right. Well, in the spirit of traveling with friends, summer vacations, things like that, we're gonna talk about some of our best and worst experiences over on Upping the Ante. Uh that's our exclusive bonus content. You can get it from being a Patreon member. And we'd also love to hear about your experiences, listeners. So if you would leave us a comment, send us a message, uh, especially if you've got any like helpful to-dos or not to-dos uh to share, and maybe we can feature them in a future episode. So y'all can expect new episodes from us weekly on Tuesdays, as usual. You can find me at Cryptid Learns, and Sabrina is over at Radical Insights Consulting on Facebook or Instagram. You can also add a dot com at the end of either of those for our websites. Follow the podcast on Facebook or Instagram at AcesUp Your Sleeve Pod. We always post when new episodes release. Sometimes you'll get to see little clips from the show before you listen. Uh, and then if you have any questions for us, visit neurokink.org slash AUYS and send them our way. And yeah, we're gonna head over to Patreon. If you want to join us over there, it's patreon.comslash aces up your sleeve podcast. Thanks for your support. Bye bye.